It’s shallow, not Shalom.

My relationship with the Lord isn’t in troubled waters. I pray to Him, He blesses me in so many ways. I acknowledge His presence in my life, He continues to give me both problems and glad tidings to continually form my center in all aspects.

However, during yesterday’s Homily, I wondered how strong this bond I have with ‘Papa’ is. Have I ignored the warranty this bond had before I claimed it and did not notice the broken aspects of it, needing repair? Have I enjoyed this bond I have claimed since the beginning only to notice it’s continuous breakage? Have I claimed it broken or perhaps, incomplete and decided to seek guidance and help to repair this bond and ended up being in great condition more than ever? Or maybe, it has been full and complete since before I took hold of it and I just didn’t use it further or even, properly?

/SIGHS.

All these questions suddenly bugging me. The priest made me think a lot about how strong my connection with ‘Papa’ is. And that’s when I realized that I’ve never claimed the ‘Shalom’ at all. For my relationship with the Almighty Father had been shallow.

It’s shallow, not Shalom.

/SOBS.

Ever since my grade school years, I’ve had thoughts of entering the convent because it’s always been (the calling, I mean) there. –have been, still there, and will still be. And I didn’t realize I have been so confused as on how to answer such a wondrous call. Maybe this still isn’t the right time. Maybe this still needs the right persons to consult with. Maybe this still opts for more reflections than ever. But one thing is for sure, have been since I was young. I have been called to such vocation where I won’t answer “Yes” to anyone except myself or ‘Papa’.

In the coming months, I have decided to go and immerse myself to my relationship with Almighty Papa. I want to check on my reflections, my confusions, and desires so that I could choose the path where He has plotted on for me. It’s scary, I tell you. But I believe it is because it’s shallow. And I haven’t had achieved my inner peace and contentment yet. Though this another one thing is for sure, I am called by God to something of great opportunities, not for myself but for His proclamations.

Let me answer you, Papa, once I’m ready to pick up your call. It’s either to trudge along the pathway of being an instrument for other people or choose the path directly rejoicing for You.

I know you’re waiting. And I will be striving.

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