The Open Book

The Open Book

I write a lot because I ponder all the time, most specially, with regards to life and anything in between it. And I’m infusing some of these thoughts for this requirement just to let you in to some of the circuits and pathways of my mind.

“There is always a battle between being on a verge of breakdown because of life’s struggles and being on the verge of waking up because you have to face the life’s struggles. Always side the latter because the moment you wake up to face what life offers you, you’ll realize at the end you’ve actually won: Facing everything in spite of anything; continuing life against the bad reeling.”

I often have these times where I don’t want to go on anymore, I don’t want to work anymore, quit this life and just go bum all day long. I wrote this to make me realize that I woke up to something new and that is what I should be thankful for. And in spite of the setbacks, I need to fight for the life I have.

“There are so many good things on earth but aren’t right and there are so many right things on earth but are perceived as bad.”

This is where my particular interest in going against the Reproductive Health Bill goes. Of course, the quote does not only incur with the RH Bill, but the more this becomes the hot issue for the mass people, the more I have the strength to let people see something that is not visible to many.

“Often than not, the impressions you hear about others, believe it or not, creates your mental description about them. If you hear bad things, it delves deeper in your nerves, making you a believer. You start to get irked with things that fit to your mental description pounded by the impressions you have heard from anybody. The hope is to avoid the assumptions and avoid the impressions and if it becomes an unavoidable circumstance, then the hope becomes to avoid spreading them further.”

I often hear these impressions almost everywhere and true enough, you adapt to these impressions and start to create a mental editorial regarding the individual or any other section of life being subjected to these impressions. Through the last subject before this, Statistics reiterated to never assume things and that may be taken out of the mathematical context. Because I want to be able to be contained in an area where there are no lasting impressions, only astute decisions regarding cases that has happened, is happening, and will still be happening rather than to the persons whom you have misunderstandings with and in that case, you have not even forgotten and worse, forgiven.

“Mistakes are fears. They are ticking time bombs waiting to explode to inflict pain and misery. But please, if ever you see a ticking time bomb of someone, do not ever be a factor or a reason for it to explode. Instead, cut the proper wires so that in the end, there will be no fears.”

Since childhood, being introduced to elementary ‘first sections’ up to high school days, I have somewhat began to be afraid of committing mistakes. It has become part of the fear and every time there comes a challenge, the only thing I focus on is not to have one, forgetting the challenge as a form of life’s treasures. And as I matured, I promised then to myself that as long as I have not committed unethical blunders, and carry out slip-ups that are just expected in one’s life, I’ll continue to trudge forward up until success, fulfilment, and contentment. And I will also do the same for everybody.

There is always this sudden rush of things you want to achieve, things you want to buy, things you want to proclaim, things you want to show to others, things you want to be proud of and all other things that basically, you want somehow to make yourself feel fulfilled. Give up on that. Everything is not solely based on your hands so just go to the things that will make you successful in a contented way.”

Speaking about success, fulfilment, and contentment, I had and still have or may be will be having my fair share of desires. Every single person has one or too many. But as I view the world and specifically the country I am living in, seeing the current competencies, catching sight of those who are underprivileged and contrary to those way, way up the triangle of life, the desires, those of extreme conditions, fade and I start to ask myself, “The main illogical thing that I thirst to know after all the money a corrupt person has grabbed is: Just a minute before he or she turns to a hundred, “WHAT NOW?”

Love is a fleeting feeling. It may transform into hate when you are hurt. So instead of, “I love you.”, go for “Peace be with you.” Because in peace, there’s no hatred. Even if you cannot forget, you may have forgiven.”

Peace creates the love in our hearts. It is the one that makes our hearts settled so we may be able to love and to forgive when love is broken. I have never been hurt by the people I love. That is what I always retain in my mind. And I have set myself that if in any case there comes something where I may be hurt, I will always, always, forgive no matter how heavy the weight of my pride it can cause. Because in such things, you will have the peace you have so wanted to maintain.

And this is an excerpt from my public journal as my most recent perspective

I always feel trapped. Perhaps, it is because of my personality. I’m carefree yet rigid. I go crazy yet I’m too meticulous. I like to be lifted by the winds and fly me somewhere yet I often get tangled up to trees and knots making me stay as where I am.  In the end, stagnation starts and I can’t help but feel useless. It’s hard to understand but I hope you get the point.

*

I ponder a lot. And during my twenty-minute walk towards my workplace and back to my home after shift is where I ponder too much about life. This includes the desire to be free.

To be honest, I cannot say I’m happy happy. I’m happy, yes. But I want to find the core of it: the meaning. Just as how Jack Frost in Rise of the Guardians found at the almost end, his center.

I’ve got a loving family, yes. Indeed, I’m blessed as to who and how I am. And with regards to work and other points of my life, I’m lucky. Yet in these things, I feel the most drained. More often than not, there is the urge to throw these all in spite of the blessings they bring.

*

The desire to be free is astoundingly strong. And the search of my meaning of free is continuous. I know for one this is not something materially woven. And I have to find it with an open mind and a loving heart.

**

This gets to say that I am an arbitrary person. I go with the flow and take a bit of the water from time to time to splash to myself for some bits of reflection. These quotes laid here are of my own in my own random times. And I have to say, my mind is wide as an open book. I may not be of the intelligent ones, but I know there is always a room for me to try to be wise in thoughts and decisions every single time.

All of the quotes and the entry from my journal were written after the assignments had been given because I want to collect all reflections that are of recent starting point and I am not blaming myself for it.

I realized that this open book of mine, may have a sequel and if I pursue, may have more than just a single sequel. It might become interesting for others, might become boring for some, and other commentaries. It might be a book solely focused on my career laddering starting with my masteral or with how my work will be or much more than that. But it’s a book I own and I will keep it, furnish it, continue it until its The End.

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