32. Let’s live this life fully.

“Sunyoung-ah,”
Hodong calls, softly.

“Hmm?”
Sunyoung looks at him, confused.
“Do you have something to say to me?”, She asks boldly.

Hodong looks at her, determined.
Gently, Hodong cups Sunyoung’s left cheek with his right hand and rubs it, adoringly.

Sunyoung was stunned at first, eyes fluttering, but adjusted towards the feeling of Hodong’s warm hand. She smiles, sweetness radiating and with complete understanding.

“Let’s live this life fully, Sunyoung-ah.” Hodong states with utmost courage.

Sunyoung replies, nodding first.
“Yes. Let’s live without regrets.”

*

In my twenty-four years of existence I ca– lol, kidding. I’ve been saying this quote at work too many times to ease my tension and the pressures of toxicity. Haha. Up until now, my mind is murky, unclear of what I want to lie ahead for my future.

It’s frightening. Friends who share the same sentiment often claim that they experience anxiety on how they should go on with their lives and could feel an impending panic attack hidden inside their minds and bodies.

Tears spill and exhaustion wears on them and on myself.

I think about a lot of things each day.

As I wake up, I become so thankful that I’m still waking up.
As I walk towards work place, I think about how the flowers bloom on the gardens of the houses of the rich people and I think about what others think about while they’re walking too.
It’s weird I know, but I can’t help it.
As I start another day of duties, I wonder about my pains and then the pains of theirs hidden with their smiles and continuous jokes. I wonder about the tears spilling by relatives of sick patients and ultimately, the cries of agony by those left by those they loved.

It’s another day, it’s another day.
It’s another tiring day, it’s another repetitive amount of activities.

Well, I’m not living my life fully. I write about it but it’s difficult to be fulfilled. This time, I’m striving really hard.

Why?

Over the course of lying down practically the whole day, ironing clothes the next day and cleaning the house, and being practically alone, I realized a lot of things.

I’m taking advantage of my life, the only life I have, and submitting towards failures, insecurities, anger, and all the negatives.
Of course, this isn’t on a regular basis as my mind insists to practically be ruled by positivism. However, with how life rolls, it’s hard.

But I questioned myself only recently, “Hey, it’s been a while and.. and.. how are you? Have you been doing well? You aren’t, right? You’re overthinking a lot of things and it’s eating you alive, right?”
Questions like these and it’s really, really frustrating.

*I’m going to clear things up.
I am letting go. I have so many regrets and it’s living inside my mind, insisting I might fail completely somewhere. Ultimately, I’m removing all the regrets starting from now. It’s not exactly to be completely erased but the regrets won’t stop me to live fully.

The paths I have are too much.
They’re too many. I want to live fully in many aspects. It’s jumbling inside me and it’s chaotic. I must choose the path I need to trudge gradually and surely and if there’s a chance to walk temporarily to some short paths, I’m not going to miss the chance and then get back on track again. Slowly and surely, one step at a time.
With whatever, writing is always with me (even if I’m not good) I’ll always write about what I feel and see and everything else.

This time, it’s the truth.
I’m going to live freely and fully.
I must take care of myself, of my love ones, of the people around me and become an inspiration to everyone!

*

The heartbeat’s going too fast,
to calm down, I must.
Reality’s becoming difficult,
good chances thrown at a catapult.

Regrets are eating me alive,
but this is a wrong way to thrive.
If I live I must live fully,
for this is a life that’s one and only.

To inspire is what I desire,
so I hope the wishes on the stars conspire.
Make my wish come true,
and make me learn everything too.

Tonight is where my oath I state,
whatever happens, I know it’s not late.
Let’s live this life fully.
No regrets and no negativity.

~0~

S T A R T

 

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