68. Yes, sometimes it stings.

I don’t even know why,
but there are times I want to cry.
Maybe because the world wants me to be directed,
to a place they all (except me) wanted.

Ever since the younger days,
to the standard I don’t usually stay.
I get to like things others do not,
until I grew older and felt I did not make the cut.

Now I’ve become more precise with my interests,
and my strength in pursuing is always put to the test.
“Are you foolish?” is what others ask me,
until in my head I ask, “Yea, what’s wrong with me really?”

I get that these type of inquiries are from curiosity,
but my mind stirs and re-creates a reality.
A realm where what I like isn’t right,
so showing my interests is what I fight.

Sometimes these inquiries transform to statements.
also I become a talk of entertainment.
I’m asked what do I get from what they call absurdity,
and to be honest I, myself, can’t answer them directly.

And rarely do these times hurt,
rarely, yes, yet yes I get tear stains on my shirt.
Because even if this is a petty thing,
there are times where my heart starts cracking.

But there is no blame, hurt, nor fury,
because I do understand this is from pure curiosity.
Maybe because I became a little bit defensive,
since the world I have has weirdness to give.

So this is a thing I would like to say,
in what you love, you have to stay.
Yes, sometimes it stings.
but following and doing what you love has fulfillment to bring.


*I’m into Asian culture way back my grade school days and it’s hard to resist in pursuing what I like. This realm I am in makes me write poems and stories, gives me strength to perform, lets me become inspired and work industriously in my line of work, and everything else.

*I won’t give up the fandom (and the rest of my interests) that I’m in.
*Cheers to more fandom years!


57. It’s not today.

(I’ll never stop writing for this year since my faves are keeping me inspired.)

I’m going nowhere,
and there’s no one who cares.
No way, there’s no chance,
with cruel thoughts, I’m in a trance.

Into the pit of nothingness I fall,
expecting nobody I still call.
“Calm down.” I say.
Will I survive the next day?

Then there’s warmth,
giving comfort, holding my cold palms.
Forever, this is a promise.
The calmness, this is what I miss.

To being young, we must stay.
Let me in day by day.
I’ll hold your hands and keep them warm,
You’ve always protected me from harm.

We need to survive,
to fulfilment we’ll dive.
Let’s aim toward our dreams,
Fly with love as part of the team.

*inspired by life (I’m stressed but still hyper LOL)
*no photo as my aesthetic inspiration for today

50. There’s this habit of validation.

This time, it’s not just a poem.

Time flies fast. It’s like there’s a speeding spell that’s cast (oops, the habit of rhyming, I’m sorry.) I still can vividly mentally image what my last 31st of December was and I was on the other room also typing an entry for this blog, haha.

Well, I felt like writing something lucid this time. I have writing habits. I use nature as my main medium. I like the stars, the flowers, and the sky. These urge me to write with books as their combination. Fiction gets me so well. Murakami gets into my mind so well. (Actually, horror themes also, haha.)

I started this blog some few years ago with the main reason of letting my voice be heard. I get hyped when global and local issues get highlighted and I wanted to be heard. Without the difficulties of what real life has, I aimed to write with that purpose in my mind.

Now, I don’t even know when this started but I just wanted to write, and write, and write, and write. I just want to write the feelings which stir in my heart, the thoughts which swirl inside my mind, to write because simply, writing makes me calm. Writing recharges me. Writing takes away the little and big pains. Writing completes my whole being.

With this, I realized, I want to write so I can heal hearts and minds.
This time, I knew I stopped becoming validated.

Yes, there’s this habit of validation.

The sun is out yet the rain still heavily pours.
Where I exist, showing happiness and contentment is what one must insist. Pains and failures are all problems and having these make you the lowest emblems.
This is the most frustrating reality where becoming weak is a sign of becoming the world’s anomaly. What is dark, dirty, and utterly dangerous, to our internal systems we keep them all secret as lies we externally juice.

For the next year (2017), let’s (yes, including myself) focus on the good things.
Let’s continue to dream (and daydream for there’s nothing wrong with this, haha).
Let’s love both the pains and the successes and create an atmosphere which forgives and understands.
Let’s try to strive for money, yes, but for the things which we need to ultimately achieve what we want the most (and that is to be happy).
Let’s continue to love in whatever means, whoever or whichever. Judgment isn’t on us. When there’s no harm, we shouldn’t spit on words which contain hate and anger. We pray. We must have faith. We must continue to love and to give peace to everybody.
Let’s not hold grudges. Often, we trudge on a path of ‘it’s because of this’ and ‘it’s because of that’. Frequently, we raise our concerns not understanding the other side of the walls we’ve built to protect ourselves. It is okay, yes. However, we need not to prolong such hard hearts and minds. We must always understand and create the balance we need by continuation if we believe to still have the strength to or search and step outside the walls and create another world. This time, we must also remember that life isn’t strawberries and other sweet things at first. There will always be hard times. There will be times where we feel like we want to give up and we must not. We must calmly brace ourselves against the struggles and find bliss in pains and successes.

Yet again, there’s this habit of validation.
Yes, it’s okay. 2017 will be okay.

Have a blessed New Year everybody!
Next year, more writings, more readings, more to life and love, more to reality and fantasy!

47. You’re looking at the wrong painting and I’m drowning.

I have nightmares,
and I search for someone who cares.
I wake up sweaty and confused,
suddenly there’s paintings I can’t choose.

The images are familiar,
they all look at me like I’m a liar.
I light up a match and watch them burn,
not listening to the screams and I never learn.

It starts to rain,
the droplets give me pain.
I hear a door opening,
it’s you, no, it’s me in front of a painting.

I fall and drown as I stare,
it’s on a tub for all I care.
I’m falling into the water,
I’m drowning and still it’s you that matters.

I actually got towards the surface,
breathing heavily, my thoughts are all over the place.
Yet the painting is still there,
the sirens seize and it’s not real, I share.

I break the glass and the beeping starts,
I touch the painting and etch the memory in my heart.
It whistles, whatever it is, it whistles,
the painting isn’t real, I’m bristled.

It’s not that, the painting it is not.
Towards the tattoo, it’s the real one there’s not a but.
It’s a bird beginning to fly,
see it’s not the painting so say goodbye.

As you realize it’s fake,
you hear the ringing that your heart’s start to ache.
I’ll come, I’ll answer your call,
but you’re drowning, you just fall, fall, fall.

You end up falling on a bed,
there’s pills you have to take instead.
You become a fool,
yes, finally, realizing you’ve became a tool.

They all suddenly mesh well,
you remember everything and breaks the spell.
It’s the truth I said.
to reality is where I’m led.

*inspired by BTS #WINGS
*no photo as my aesthetic inspiration today (but the playlist is a freaking inspiration)

SHINee is coming back.
Bangtan is coming back.
How to breathe? LOL
A way to distract my separation anxiety and my incoming anxiety. LMAO
As of now, there’s still no video teaser from SHINee, so, this. I love connecting concepts so please take time to watch their teasers (BTS). It’s really great and Demian, is an awesome book. ;;;;;

I’m going towards the future!!!


41. The heavy rain continues to pour.

It’s cold and it’s seeping through your skin.
But you kind of like it, when there, warmth should have been.
Since before, it has been your favorite season,
and it’s when raining where true emotions is what you don.

The raindrops fall, getting heavier,
as if it’s your heart breaking harder than ever.
Yet it’s fine you see, you’re okay.
The rain also washes the sad feelings which want to stay.

The darkness seemed to continue even in the mornings.
And then you sit by the window trying to control your feelings.
You tell yourself that the drops you see are from the rain,
and they do not taste salty and do not come from the pain.

It continues to pour, the rain that is.
You decided to go out and the drops you kiss.
It’s salty, you realized just like your tears.
Well, you’re moving on, so you don’t have anything to fear.

*inspired by the rain (;;;;; I love the rain so much but I don’t want it heavy because people will be having a hard time in life. ;;;;;)
*no photo as my aesthetical inspiration today

*Lee Jinki aka Onew (SHINee) released a duet at SM Station with Jin Ah. I tell you, it’s beautiful. Watch the music video and listen to the song, please. Starry Night is the title of the song. I’m in love with stars as reference and forever will be. ;;;
Anyways, I wrote this while thinking about the rain. Rain relaxes me. ;;; This piece isn’t something with a good feeling but you see, it can be good in the end. And ultimately, it will be good. Just let the rain pass and it will be okay, it will be.

*I’m extremely excited with the pieces I’ve been writing and I hope my goal to publish my work can come true. It’s frightening but I have to believe. Also, not just believe but learn and strive hard. There is nothing impossible in a dream where one strives hard!

*Thank you for reading! I hope I can become more inspired! <3